Four Frightening (and Real) Robots


Essential Member
Back in the olden days, people would sit around their living rooms, light up fancy cigars and talk about the future.

They’d also try to guess what color looked like, given that everything was black and white, but I’m getting sidetracked now. Back to the future, people.If you were to somehow travel back in time to tell these olde-timeys that the future would forgo flying cars in favor of men made of metal, they would probably guffaw, call you a chowder head and adjust their suspenders before heading out to the talking picture show with their best dame Beatrice.

But the future is now, and now is robots. Most of the robots we build serve an explicit purpose, like building cars and reemploying the people who used to build cars. Others, however, manage to operate on a second level. That level, dear reader, is one of terror.


Some robots are designed to kill human beings. Others are designed to kill other robots. But when there’s nothing left to kill, what do we do with our robots? We make them play sports. TOPIO began development in 2005 as a humanoid robot designed to play table tennis. Built by a Vietnamese robot firm, TOPIO confirms at least two things for us: mankind has run out of useful things to do as a whole and Vietnam has robot firms, apparently.

TOPIO’s main features are the ability to recognize fast moving objects, to react to fast moving objects and to maintain balance. In other words, TOPIO does what any human would do if they took up the lost art of table tennis. Unlike your typical table tennis enthusiast, however, TOPIO looks like this:

Is this part of the T-1000’s vacation slides? If the goal of TOPIO was to build a robot that would mindlessly play a tier-three sport and not cause those who see it to cry out in fear, then mission failed. The shades say “I’m going to kill you, fleshbag,” while the jacked physique says “No, really, I’m going to kill you. And no one’s going to stop me because the laws of men don’t apply to a machine. If you’d read Issac Asimov in high school you would have known that already.”

Youtube video: TOSY TOPIO - Table Tennis Playing Robot : DigInfo

2. Roxxxy

True Companion sells itself as “the world’s first and highest quality sex robot doll.” To break that down a bit more, Roxxxy is a machine that you’re supposed to stick your penis in, but its okay because it looks sort of like an actual lady and not your mother’s vacuum cleaner hose. The folks at True Companion spent two and a half years making Roxxy as realistic as possible, from the feel of her skin to her ability to have orgasms. At least, the website claims she can simulate real orgasms. I can happily live out the rest of my days without confirming whether or not that’s true.

Because spending precious years of your life developing a sexbot that looks like a crime scene victim might come off as a little weird, the development team also gave Roxxxy the ability to carry conversations, change personality and to fill the emotional void in your life as well as the physical one. But Roxxxy costs upwards of seven thousand dollars. Would you buy a sex robot for seven thousand dollars just to talk to it? Of course not. That’s like drinking a Tanqueray without first putting a diamond in it. Roxxxy was made specifically for the refined sexual deviant who wants to have sex with a highly sophisticated piece of machinery but doesn’t want to admit that to any of his friends

Youtube video: Roxxxy" The World's First "sexbot

3.The CB2Japan

is at the forefront of robot technology. Over the years the country has been able to construct robots that can play trumpet, carry the elderly down a flight of stairs, tumble down a flight of stairs or even ride a bike before doing absolutely nothing else of merit. Once you’ve nailed all the basics, it’s only natural that you’d get a little weird and well, when in Rome, build automaton babies.

The CB2 was built to mimic child learning with the hopes to better understand child development. Supposedly, the CB2 was modeled after a one-year old baby but that has to be a lie. If there’s a one-year old human being that big and that horribly pale somewhere on this planet, then someone needs to form a crack team of ex- U.S. Special Forces turned mercenaries to send it back to God before it can learn to properly walk and bring society to its knees.

CB2 is capable of performing basic functions mimicking that of a toddler. Its skin, however, is a white putty. That’s pretty much all the evidence anyone needs to prove that this thing was actually built by David Lynch, because a three foot tall baby made of white putty that simply rolls around all day screaming is the sort of stuff that turns happy, God-fearing people to suicide. You simply can’t unsee it.

At some point, CB2 won’t be nearly as creepy, but that’s only because Japan will out-do itself in the world of abstract nightmare robotics. In fact, they already did.

Youtube video: CB2 baby humanoid robot


Japan is prone to earthquakes. Cleaning up the rubble and repairing the damage done after such an event can be taxing on both funding and man hours. So, why not just build a bunch of robots to do it for you? Oh yeah, because it’s absolutely terrifying, that’s why.

But alas, we are too late. Robokiyu was introduced to the world sometime in 2008. It’s often referred to as a rescue bot as its primary functions are to locate those injured after an earthquake and to clear rubble. At first glance it doesn’t look all that terrifying:

No killer sunglasses and no soulless baby face. Instead, Robokiyu grabs the bodies of those presumed dead and stuffs them inside of itself. Try to imagine that scenario: an earthquake literally rocks your world. Your home is destroyed and you’re left to die trapped beneath the rubble. Just as you think your about to shuffle off this mortal coil you see sunlight as the cold, mechanical hands begin to unearth you from the rubble. Oh, you think, its just Robokiyu. Thank goodness! Once you’re finally free you wonder how to go about thanking a robot. Then Robokiyu’s tiny robot pincers grab you by the collar as it shouts “CORPSE. CORPSE. MUST CONSUME THE DEAD.” You try to explain to the machine that you aren’t dead as his hands rush to force you into his bowels.

Should you find yourself living out this horrible nightmare, don’t worry. The inside of the robot constantly cycles fresh air, allowing you to breath comfortably. Just try to keep that in mind as your lying on top of actual dead bodies and trying to scratch your way out of your mobile metal coffin

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Extraordinary Member
LOL none of them are truly frightening compared to the newest "Talon" US military new scout robot which resembles the Terminator Model T-1 which sports Heavy machine guns or anti personel flame throwers and full AI autonomy as well as user controlled modes. And you can pretty much guarentee if this is the public version the secret versions will be far more advanced and deadly.

T-1 (Terminator character) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

and the real life equivelent "Talon" based on the T-1 idea -


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Essential Member

Is this what they sent to get Jigsaw:p

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