Super Sarge

New Member

•I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
•There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
•Life is sexually transmitted.
•Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
•The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
•Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
•Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
•Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
•All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
•In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
•How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
•Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?
13•If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
•Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
•If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
•If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
•Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
•Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
•Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
•Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?