ART How to Suck an Egg


Cooler King
Staff member
Premium Supporter
The purpose of this exercise is to follow precise unnecessary directions issued by a higher HQ. You have been directed to be in possession of a fresh empty eggshell for no apparent reason. Simple issuance of tasks being insufficient in any anal-retentive, career-oriented, hopelessly bureaucratic military staff society, the staff of the higher HQ have issued the following instructions:
1. The Egg. Acquire an egg. An appropriately sized egg would be a chicken's egg or one similar in volume. This egg should be; a. Not too small, as a small egg might be too fragile, difficult to hold or could unexpectedly be aspirated and lead to choking; and b. Not too large, for too large an egg would require you to suck out too much material. Remember that volume increases in a cube function relationship to dimensional increases along a single axis. A goose egg twice as long as a medium chicken's egg and similar in proportion, therefore would contain about eight times as much suckable material.
2. Egg Purchase. You can pick these up by the dozen at your local grocery. If you think this operation will require practice, perhaps you should buy a full dozen. No recovery action against the Higher HQ is to be taken as a result of this purchase. Excessive purchase requirements may be submitted on the next cyclical.
How to Suck an Egg