I got decent
00us average DPC times, finally, after disabled IEST (Intel Enhanced Speedstep, I think) in my BIOS.
This was after a few hours of disabling everything, but after that one change everything is back to the way it was. Well, I did update my BIOS, but that didn't fix the problem in itself.
I attached some graphs that show how IEST was the suspected cause of my problems --- high CPU usage prevents the underclocking/switching of speed, so it made sense to disable IEST completely.
Note I was able to turn back on C1E/C2E/C4E/C6E (all the CxE options). So I do appear to have some speedstepping - but it's not causing those crazy DPC spikes and audio stutters.
To help other searchers, a summary:
Gigabyte UD3P / Intel P45 /...