Quotes That Inspire (Or Not)

[rbeldua]

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."
--Les Dawson--

 

[alfred01]

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Ingrid Bergman














​

 

[rbeldua]

"When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it"

--Edgar Watson Howe--

 

[alfred01]

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

Dalai Lama​

 

[rbeldua]

"When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him"


---anonymous--

 

[alfred01]

"When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him"


---anonymous--

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr​

 

[rbeldua]

"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

--Jerry Seinfeld--
​

 

[alfred01]

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle​

 

[rbeldua]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "

~Mel Brooks[/FONT][FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]~[/FONT]

 

[alfred01]

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Michel de Montaigne​

 

[rbeldua]

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.


--woody allen--

 

[alfred01]

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

Claude Pepper​

 

[rbeldua]

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

--Jerry Seinfeld--

 

[rbeldua]

"There is in friendship something of all relations, and something above them all. It is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world."


--John Evelyn--

 

[alfred01]

A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake.

Alfred Hitchcock​

 

[rbeldua]

"If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way."
--anonymous--
​

 

[alfred01]

"If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way."
--anonymous--
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright​

 

[rbeldua]

glad you like it david...

"Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge"

--somewhere posted--

 

[Ciara]

You get what you settle for

 

[rbeldua]

You get what you settle for

"McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it? "

--Jay Leno--