Quotes That Inspire (Or Not)

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by alfred01, May 26, 2011.

  1. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."
    --Les Dawson--
     
  2. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

    Ingrid Bergman














     
  3. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it"

    --Edgar Watson Howe--
     
  4. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

    Dalai Lama
     
  5. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him"


    ---anonymous--
     
  6. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

    Hedy Lamarr
     
  7. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

    --Jerry Seinfeld--
     
  8. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

    Milton Berle
     
  9. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    [FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. "

    ~Mel Brooks[/FONT][FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]~[/FONT]
     
  10. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

    Michel de Montaigne
     
  11. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.


    --woody allen--
     
  12. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

    Claude Pepper
     
  13. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

    --Jerry Seinfeld--
     
  14. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "There is in friendship something of all relations, and something above them all. It is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world."


    --John Evelyn--
     
  15. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake.

    Alfred Hitchcock
     
  16. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way."
    --anonymous--
     
  17. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    :rofl: :rofl:

    Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

    Steven Wright
     
  18. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge"

    --somewhere posted--
     
  19. Ciara

    Ciara New Member

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    You get what you settle for
     
  20. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    "McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it? "

    --Jay Leno--
     

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