Tell Us A Joke!

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by alfred01, May 28, 2011.

  1. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    Police Inspector : Have you caught the thief?

    Hawaldar : No, but I found some trace of him.


    Police Inspector
    : What?

    Hawaldar : Finger prints.


    Police Inspector
    : Where?

    Hawaldar : On my cheeks. :wink:
     
  2. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    In Canada we have a Province called Newfoundland and the people there are generally refereed to as Newfie's. Newfoundland is a big island, and Newfie's have become the punch lines for many jokes, mainly because they are also the nicest people in Canada, they'd give you the shirt off their back in a blizzard, and are able to laugh at themselves better than any. Including this joke.

    There was a time when Newfie's declared war on Canada and started lobbing grenades over to the mainland. The people on the mainland simply picked them up, pulled out the pins, and threw them back.
     
  3. Super Sarge

    Super Sarge New Member

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    Re: jokes

    [COLOR=#]The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.[/COLOR]
     
  4. Super Sarge

    Super Sarge New Member

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    Re: jokes

    Post Turtle:

    While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.

    The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''.

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was.

    The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

    The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. '
    You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb *** put him up there to begin with'
     
  5. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    Re: jokes

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

    After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,

    "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

    When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
     
  6. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    Re: jokes

    What do you call a Brunette standing between 2 Blonds?......An interpreteur
     
  7. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    Re: jokes

    No.................
     
  8. rbeldua

    rbeldua Honorable Member

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    Re: jokes

    A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant, at first he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.


    Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

    “Oh, that man I don’t care.”
    said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”
     
  9. whoosh

    whoosh Cooler King
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    Re: jokes

    " My dog killed a rabit yesterday!"

    " Was it wild?"

    " Well I guess it was not very happy." :p
     
  10. alfred01

    alfred01 Well-Known Member

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    Re: jokes

    A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

    "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

    The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

    Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

    The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

    The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

    "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

    On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
     

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