known computer viruses Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard. Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. Nike virus: Just does it.